How to overcome self-doubt 

Side note: I will share my insights from a male perspective, but this applies to all genders. 

We all experience self-doubt in our lives, whether it stems from social media, movies, or the people around us, including family, friends, and even strangers. For example, imagine you are an adult male walking down the street in downtown and you see a girl hanging out with a boy. This could trigger your self-doubt, especially if you have faced rejection when trying to approach girls in the past. You might start criticizing yourself, making negative conclusions about your personality and appearance. You could think, “I can’t be like him,” or “Will I ever be able to get a girl like that?”. That is your self-doubt.  So, what now? How do you deal with it? Always remember that before addressing a problem, you need to understand it. 

What is self-doubt?   

Is it inherently bad, or can it be beneficial also? Let’s clarify that self-doubt is not always bad. We should consider both sides of the coin before jumping to any conclusions. It’s a double-edged sword. Let’s discuss the positive aspect first. Suppose you have never driven a car, but after watching some YouTube videos about how fun it is, you decide you want to try driving one. You grab the keys to your mom’s car; however, just before opening the door, something holds you back. That’s your friend called self-doubt. You take a few steps back and sit on the front steps of your house, contemplating, “Should I do this, or am I just being impulsive?” Ultimately, you decide not to go. Would you consider self-doubt your enemy? 

Now, let’s consider a different scenario: you’ve been learning film-making for a while and decide to start posting content online. But then, you begin to overthink. “What if people don’t like my content? What if my friends and family judge me? What if people make fun of me?” That’s your enemy—your self-doubt. In this case, you should go ahead and post your content online despite your self-doubt. But you might wonder, how can I know whether to proceed or not when I’m feeling this way? And you’re right; self-doubt is self-doubt, whether it pertains to driving a car or sharing content online. 

Identify the type

You must learn to differentiate between your friend and your enemy. As the saying goes, “Not everyone you fight is your enemy, and not everyone who helps you is your friend.” This applies to self-doubt as well. In the first scenario, self-doubt acted as a friend. Why? If you hadn’t experienced any self-doubt and had driven that car, you might have taken a turn without knowing how much to accelerate, potentially putting children playing on the road at risk. Now, in the second scenario, consider what might happen if you post your content online. Seriously, think about it. I know you can come up with countless excuses, some of which I mentioned earlier, but how is this situation any different from the first? It is different because it’s all psychological, not physiological. And believe me when I say that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This saying applies here. It doesn’t pertain to your physical self but rather to your psychological resilience. If you endure hardships, such as a breakup, you may feel broken now, but once you overcome it, you will emerge stronger than ever before. 

Now, how do you deal with self-doubt, particularly the kind that is not your friend?   

I’ll use some examples to help you relate and understand better. You may be thinking “but self-doubt is not just psychological it also affects me physically. “I cannot think clearly when in doubt, I lose my critical thinking abilities” No worries. There is a scientific answer to that. For instance, if you have social anxiety and fear public humiliation due to past trauma, your brain may not distinguish between reality and imagination. Our brain is conditioned for our survival. Your past trauma likely developed during your childhood when your brain was not mature enough to process those negative experiences from every angle. Those memories were stored in your subconscious, linked to feelings of stress, anxiety, shame, and guilt. Whenever you find yourself in a situation similar to those memories, your body activates its default mode: the fight-or-flight response. When this happens, blood flow that would normally go to your brain is redirected to your muscles, preparing you to either confront the situation or escape it. This physiological response can cloud your thinking, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming. When our sense of safety is threatened, we tend to avoid critical thinking and become defensive. 

You might be thinking, “I came here for solution to my self-doubt, but why is he discussing the body’s physical aspects?” I will tell you why? Because everything is interconnected. Your body sends signals to your mind, causing you to realize that it’s not just your thoughts contributing to your self-doubt; you also have physical sensations associated with it. That’s why we’re discussing this—so you can fully understand the connection. Remember, feelings are often stronger than your thoughts. You need to work on your mental resilience so that your mind can become stronger than your feelings. 

Solution

Let’s get straight to it. I won’t provide you with a list of steps you already know but that haven’t worked for you. First, identify what type of self-doubt you’re experiencing. Is it physical or mental? If it’s physical, as in the example of driving a car, you need to activate your critical thinking. Consider the potential risks: Is your safety at stake? Is anyone else safety at risk? Will it affect you physically or psychologically? This evaluation is game changer. If you want to escape a situation but feel uncertain about moving forward, list the advantages and disadvantages of your decision. For instance, if you want to talk to a girl, you find attractive, it’s not easy. Approaching her can feel like bungee jumping; if you look down before you jump, you may never take the leap. Of course, you need to assess the situation first—determine if she’s busy, read her body language—but that falls under communication skills and it’s a different topic altogether and, 93% of communication is non-verbal. 

Returning to the topic at hand: if you’re experiencing self-doubt, such as wondering, “What if she rejects me?” take a moment to introspect. What’s happening inside you? Why can’t you talk to her? You might need to improve your communication skills, but let’s assume you’re already proficient. In reality, what you fear are the feelings you’ll have while talking to her and the feelings you’ll experience if she rejects you. That’s it. You’re not going to die; you’ll just experience those feelings. You’re afraid you won’t be able to handle them, but your body can manage those emotions; you just lack experience.  

I won’t sugarcoat it: the solution is that simple. You need to go talk to her and then sit with whatever feelings arise. Don’t run from them; if you do, you’ll end up back at square one, missing out on a valuable experience. That’s why many guys who manage to approach girls often won’t see much improvement the next time they’re in that situation—they skipped the most crucial step: sitting with their feelings. They felt shame and immediately sought distraction. It’s extremely difficult to sit with those feelings. I’m sharing this not to scare you, but to empower you to be prepared. If I didn’t mention this, you might revert to self-doubt, thinking, “This isn’t for me because it makes me feel uncomfortable, which means I’m not cut out for this. I should return to my comfort zone.” Let me assure you, this is challenging for everybody. No one is special. The only difference between you and those who have overcome self-doubt is that they didn’t give up. They faced their feelings, no matter what, and ultimately realized they didn’t die; they emerged much stronger. Hence, the saying is proven: whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. 

One last example for clarity: when someone begins weight training, they often experience pain in the first week. But why do they continue? Because they’ve learned from others that this discomfort is part of the process. Pain doesn’t indicate that something is wrong with them; it’s a necessary step toward achieving their goal. The same concept applies to psychological pain. However, if no one informs them that there will be discomfort in the beginning, many will stop working out and never get past that first week. That’s it, folks. I used the example of talking to a girl, but this applies to any scenario involving psychological self-doubt. In simple terms, all you need to do is learn to manage those uncomfortable feelings and recognize that you haven’t lost anything— your life is same, you still have that job, your family is healthy or whatever you could think of is still the same and most importantly you didn’t die.  

You might be wondering, is it really that simple? Yes. We don’t need to complicate everything. It’s all common sense. But, common sense isn’t very common.  

Peace out. 

Pro Tips: 

What to do after dealing with the situation –  

– No distractions—just you and your feelings. 

– Set a timer for 10 minutes and sit with your feelings. You will feel extremely uncomfortable; this is part of the process, so trust it. 

– You may feel the urge to distract yourself, but don’t give in. 

– Sit alone, not with friends or family. This experience may be challenging, but you need to face it alone to become stronger.